I know, it is probably very stupid and more kind of sad to analyze past through eyes of present and look for alternatives. Everyone's past carry something that one can never change but still be sad thinking of it. People always tell to me that they don't regret their past, because they have learnt something valuable from it which helped them a lot in carrying their life forward. I can never agree with this.
Lately, a lot of thoughts are coming into my mind. What, if I have a chance to replay my last eight years again? Would I like them to be as they had been? Would not I like to be friends with some people, I had always been intimidated? It would have been great to know all those people better and get rid of that feeling. May be, I would have changed course of a lot of my actions if that haunted feeling had not been daunting me always.
The best part of the day, I used to like, was evening. I always used to go to terrace or some open place and used to watch setting sun for a while. Then, I forgot all that for a very long time. Perhaps, I could have stopped for all those evenings to give my life a little perspective. I would not have forgotten all my passions and life had been dwelling in little romance. I would have liked to explore the opportunities to break my heart and feel the pain. That notion itself, had been very stupid and non-sense to me so far, but suddenly, nothing seems stupid to me. Probably, at the point I find myself today, any step doesn't seem wrong. Any step would be taken from here will add some new experience only. I always had belief that life is all about sum of experiences, and today it feels like that I don't lack anything but experiences.
When you realize that your story of life had been an attempt to put everything right, to choose the right course and nothing else, then suddenly every act of immorality doesn't appear so wrong. All rules, that I had been living in, are just, feel like, taken off and I don't even care for them anymore.
I don't really know how could I end this article. I just wish, to be a spectator for a while, not a player in my life. Just wish to see it passing by without getting involved..... :)
